"What Dreams May Come: Unitarian Universalism on

Death, Dying and the After Life"

Rev. Patrick Price, October 28, 2007, All Souls Day Service

"And so, in closing this memorial service, we commend the essence of our brother to what ever fate he may have pre-selected from our convenient after life catalogue. He was always a private man and since he did not list his afterlife choice with his family or the church office we can only wish him the best, where ever he may be. Amen." (pause)

While this is a bit very tongue-in-cheek, and by the way, it is not an accurate portrayal of a UU memorial service, it does point to some interesting issues about death, an afterlife, this life, and our approaches to them. What do some our modern sages have to say on these subjects?

Writer and comedian Woody Allen shares with us that, "It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." In turn humorist James Thurber writes that, "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven and very, very few persons." Mark Twain declares that, "When I think of the number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won't be so bad at all."

In a more serious vein social researcher George Santayana has written "Men have feverishly conceived a heaven only to find it insipid, and a hell to find it ridiculous." While scientist and philosopher Bertrand Russell offers that, "The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented Hell."

The traditional views of heaven with a great white father in the clouds or of a hell with pitchfork wielding devils, are what many of us grew up with either in our culture at large or were spoon fed or force fed in our childhood religious education in other traditions. For many of us it is the use and abuse of these traditional understandings of heaven, hell or even an afterlife at all, that many of us have rejected in our religious and spiritual wanderings. Consequently many of us have put the entire issue on hold pending further data, or have come to other, less orthodox conclusions than those of the pre-modern and post-modern Western Christian traditions.

There are many liberal Christians, as well as UUs, who have less traditional views of an after life too. With the rise of what is now called Process theology in particular, starting in the 1960's, there has been a rolling away in academia of an understanding of an individual survival after death. According to Alfred North Whitehead and other Process philosophers and theologians, such as Unitarian Charles Hartshorne, there is no survival of the individual after death, rather we are recorded in the mind of God where no past event can ever be forgotten. (Heaven, p. 347). Interestingly enough, even though Process theology's views of what happens after death, and similar rejections by modern Christian scholars, have been all the rage in colleges and seminaries for over thirty years, the average person in the pews still believes in an after life, usually resembling the more traditional Christian models. My personal take on the decline of the mainstream Protestant churches, is that in part they no longer offer an accessible and hopeful sense of what death means, and what may lie beyond it.

One of the attractions of early Christianity, especially as Paul of Tarsus taught it, was that there was no more fear of what might happen after death, whether that be oblivion or dreary endlessness, and that the separation from those who died before us was only temporary. All of the saved would be rejoined in the company of the saints. Even today, in its purest sense, the Christian funeral is meant to be a celebration of the deceased being born into a new life. For those who have a deep conviction of this as truth, this is a very affirming and comforting belief. For those who don't have that belief, it can feel heartless and negligent of the needs of those left behind to grieve and honor the deceased. This is why we UUs do our funerals and memorial services differently.

I do find it interesting that we as a tradition are known consistently as a faith community that marries and buries people more sensitively and attentively than most. It is the norm that after a memorial service, most UU minister's are often complimented by family and friends, especially by those from outside of our tradition, even if they are committed to another tradition and have a strong belief in an after life. The compliments usually center on the service being heartfelt in its nature, its sincerity and its attention to those who are left behind, as well as an often pointed honestly about the deceased. I say these things not to brag, but to examine the fact that death causes nearly all of us to look into our lives, as well as to look towards what may come after death.

What do we as UUs say about death? While no one is required to hold a creed about this, we do affirm that we all have the same ultimate fate, what ever that may be. Our Universalist forbears affirmed the universal salvation of all and therefore heaven for everyone, eventually. In our day we are more likely to affirm the nick name the Universalists were given by their more orthodox detractors as "no hellers." We affirm that there is no hell or eternal punishment. I believe I can say with certainty that nearly every UU today would affirm this. More self reflectively, nineteenth century Universalist and Unitarian minister, Thomas Starr King observed that, "While the Universalists believe God is too good to damn them, the Unitarians believe they are too good to be damned." I suspect a little bit of both may be true.

One of the beliefs that defines religious liberals as such is an emphasis and a certainty of the importance of processes as means, rather than on the ends themselves. How we get somewhere affects the quality of the ends we achieve. The quality of the way we live our lives cannot help but affect the quality of the way we face our deaths.

An afterlife is usually seen or projected as a continuation of a larger experience, not as an end in and of itself. Some see this continuing on, as a physical process only, with us being broken down, and taken up again in the great cycle of creation, destruction and creation again. We continue to live in some way through those and the world who surround us. From dust have we come and unto dust shall we return.

One view is that we achieve our immortality through our children or our larger families, friends and communities. How many have come and gone who have touched us? Though they may no longer be part of the daily milling of our lives, they are still occupants of our memories and residents of our hearts. They continue on through our webs of interaction and influence.

Another view of a continuing existence is that death is a transition into another level of consciousness in which we can continue our process of learning, evolving and being. It is attractive for me to believe that we get a chance to review our game tapes, so to speak, so we can look at what we have recently done and to learn and to have the opportunity grow from that knowledge. In the movies one of the best depictions of this version of an after life is in "Defending Your Life" with Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep. The ultimate objective in this fantasy piece is for us to use more of our brains from life time to life time, and the lesson we are learning on this Earth is to overcome fear.

This idea may link us with some form of reincarnation. In the Eastern style, particularly in Hinduism, the purpose is to evolve and pass from the wheel of incarnation and suffering. In an emerging version, particularly in the Contemporary Pagan community, the act of reincarnation is seen as the purpose and the reward, in order to continue on the journey of wisdom.

What ever they may be, I strongly feel that the beliefs we hold shape the way we live our lives. This is no less true about our views of death and an afterlife, than anything else we have faith in. For example, I know that I have never seriously contemplated suicide, in part, because I fear having to come back and start all over again. To some this may seem silly, but I assure you for many of us, there is sincere belief that if we do not learn our lessons, or try to skip out early, so to speak, we will be back to learn them until we do. This may be a product of too much time in school, but I believe it sincerely all the same. Our lives affect our views of death and our views of death affect our lives.

For example, if our view of death and what happens afterward is of a highly individualistic nature then, we will tend to view life the same way. Unfortunately, in the act of seeking freedom from often toxic and restrictive creedal beliefs, it has been that many UUs have embraced a radical individualism. This distorted individualism usually elevates the individual to the top of a pyramid of value, rather than trying to find a balance of interdependence. What I find unfortunate is that this type of radical individualism, now bolstered by our consumer culture, tends to breed a growing isolation from others in the mistaken notion that we have to do things on own or else we are weak. It says the goal is to be self sufficient. It says that we are born alone, we live alone and we die alone. And I know what it says is a lie.

While no one can walk that lonesome valley for us, usually what we fear in our own deaths and grieve in the deaths of others, is our loss of immediate relationship. It is the loss of that "we" which in part defines who we are. There is also a fear of losing any hope of changing that relationship. The grief may be particularly poignant for those of us from unhealthy families where we had not yet come to terms with the reality that some one, our parent or sibling, is not going to meet our needs. This is true whether the other person is alive or dead, but in death we are forced to confront this reality more directly. However, in this way we may in fact be given a gift.

While we cannot get our needs met by them, we can begin to meet them ourselves and with others in healthy ways. A source of hope for many of us is that, even with the death of a loved one, we can change that relationship by changing ourselves and how we relate to their interior presence in our lives.

As Unitarians and Universalists we reject the misconceptions of humanity and existence as being fallen or depraved in our basic natures. Instead we embrace the idea, and have faith in an ultimately optimistic universe. We have reflected that in the first principle of our covenant, "the inherent worth and dignity of every person." While we often interpret that phrase as a highly individualistic statement, historically our Universalist forbearers saw it as a statement not about an individual, but about all individuals. If all are worthy, then the fate of one is the fate of all. We are all in this together.

As UUs we uphold the democratic process by which equity, justice and compassion are manifest in our relationships with each other and the world, and this includes death. As John Donne wrote about death, "It comes equally to us all, and it makes us all equal when it comes." Death is the ultimate act of democracy in this world. What we believe about death affects the way we live our lives.

The only promise of any sacred thing is the promise of a more abundant life. If our understanding of death helps us to be healthier, more liberated, engaged and fulfilled as persons and communities, then it is to be cherished. But if an understanding of death and an afterlife limits our willingness and our ability to love or to be kind; if it makes us afraid of ourselves and others; if it threatens the very bonds of our solidarity with each other and all that is, then it is not an after life worth squandering our lives for.

We need one another in life and in death, and we are not cut off from each other, even after death. Through our seventh principle, "the interconnected web of all existence of which we are a part," we affirm this reality. No matter how we view death and an after life, we are always connected to each other, whether this connection is through our atomic structures and as part of the cycles of nature, or through the survival of the spirit in a heaven of all souls, or through some form of reincarnation, or many others that we can explore and speculate on from this side of the event horizon of death. We are part of a world community, stretching backwards and forwards through the generations. We die not alone, we live not alone, we exist together and not alone. However we understand death, and whatever exists beyond its mystery, we are each others', in this life and for eternity. Amen and blessed be.

BENEDICTION

What ever we have known and loved becomes a part of us and is ours forever. While all about us and within us there is a mystery and the mystery shines, with a light that reveals to us all that is beautiful and good. May we have faith that it is not other wise beyond the limit of our sight: that beauty endures, that goodness reigns, that love outlasts time and death and all the stars. Live in love, die in love. It’s that simple, and that difficult. Amen and Blessed be. (Kendyl Gibbons)